AVC: Holidays, Schmolidays.

*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*

*Crickets chirping*

"Is this thing on?"

Weellll, it's August the first and I have now been here for 6 months. Just completed the first half of one of the most boring holidays ever. Mainly consisting of arguments with certain officials around here. But, I was able to put that aside for the last few days and finally got out of this one horse town (two in the evening when it really starts to ROCK!!)

Wednesday/Thursday -

Michael and I went to a comparitively larger city by the name of Xiangfan. We were invited by a friend of a friend, you know how that goes. So we weren't expecting too much in excitement. We arrived in Xiangfan around 12:30 on Wednesday, just in time for an unneccesary yet compulsary lunch. Then we made our way to the hotel and were presented with the bill in advance without having stepped into the room. Pretty quiet day that, some bowling, went swimming for the first time since I've been here and then got to eat some pizza for dinner. The next day we travelled to some sort of memorial museum of some sort of famous artist of the area. People always trying to pursuade us that caligraphy is very beautiful, when we have noooo idea what it says. It could be a recipe for a cake for all I know. Went across the river in a boat (exciting stuff) to the slums of the town *cough* I mean the ancient historical sites of the town. They had a an old wall that ran around the outside and I got a picture of me with a cannon, see how that one turns out later. What really annoyed me is that this place had a McDonalds, it was supposed to be an area depicting Chinese culture in all its untouched glory and there was a McDonalds right in the center. Its even more annoying because they should build one here where I am. bastards...

Friday-

Friday tested my physical stamina and endurance to its very maximum. We're talking extreme extremeness here. Like more energy usage then getting off a couch and we all know how tough that can be. right? RIGHT? On Friday we made a morning trip to an area called Long Zhong. Which was the home of an ancient leader if I remember correctly. It unfortunately meant climbing a mountain...or did it?? We stumbled upon a contraption that would take you up the mountain in a chair. It was like all my prayers had been answered. I wiped the single tear from my eye and hopped in. It was a flat seat with a handle you could hold onto and it was attached to wires, you would slowly go up the mountain backwards without even lifting off the ground. At the top was a tea house / tower of impending DOOM! So we stayed up there for a bit and headed back down again.

Nothing interesting ever happens at the top of a mountain, that's why they make so hard to get up there, to deter people from wanting to go up. What I was looking foward to was going back down. They didn't have a chair this time they had a taboggan and you would go down this metal half-pipe thing. None of the people I was with wanted to give it a try, because it might be dangerous. But for me the path of danger is often the path of 'non walking'. I got in and told the others I would see them at the bottom and not to keep me waiting too long. It was this moment that I, Andy Scott, managed to ride the slowest taboggan in the world. I pushed the speed stick foward the entire time, but still couldn't manage to overtake the snail in front, who was by the taboggan's standards a hoon. I grabbed on to the sides of the pipe to propel myself foward, but eventually had to give in to the taboggan's fear of sped. When I eventually made contact with the bottom my beard was long and grey, my eyes body weak from sitting in the same position for what seemed like years. I kissed the sweet, sweet ground that I had seen from close proximity, but dared not touch, in case at that moment I finally sped up. I made it to the ticket booth and gazed at what used to be the fresh, young ticket seller now a shrivelled up form of her former self. The others were outside, 5 skeletons swating gently in the breeze, all frozen with impatient expressions on what was left of their face. A little exaggerated, maybe...annnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd then I went home.

Saturday -

Earlier the night before I made a purchase that was strange to the owners of the swimming pool. I went in, purchased some ear plugs and mysteriously left. I hope that for the rest of his life he will think about what I needed those plugs for. I of course knew what purpose they were for. They were my answer for a good night sleep. Michael has a problem with snoring, but the problem was much bigger for me. I think I have mentioned this all before. For the previous nights in the hotel I had wanted Michael to wake up and see my silhouette next to window and I would ask 'How was your sleep?' He would reply, 'best night sleep for a long time' and I would laugh and hold up his kidneys in my hands. So to avoid this possible scenario I got the plugs and they did the trick. I was deaf for half of Saturday morning, but at least I slept well. Today we were going to Wudang mountain. I believe its height was 1612 metres (to be precise.) Needless to say it was a lot bigger than Longzhong. The main attraction of Wudang mountain were its inhabitants, the Wudang monks. There is a large Taoist temple at the peak, and that was where we were heading. Why can't the Taoists and Buddhists be like the other lazy religions and keep their temples on the ground? We received a brochure about the mountain and its many places of interest, one of them being 'the amazing stairs of 100 steps' or something like that. GUESS WHERE WE WENT FIRST???

We got to go in a proper chair lift this time, allll the way to the top. The other option was to walk, which made me think would anyone actually choose that? The large queue at the chairlift answered that question. It had rained heavily the night before, which created a beautiful mist around the mountain, great to look at from afar. Yet from up close the mist blocked all possible view from outside the chair, so all we could do was sit and wait until we got to the top, which was about 15 minutes later. At the top we witnessed the 100 steps, I think they may have undercounted just a tad. I looked around and I nodded in concurence at all my other fat tourst bretheren and sisters as we wondered how we would survive this without constant breaks to find some oxygen. There was a room halfway up, it was amongst many rooms, yet this one was told to be special. A room to give good luck and since I have been terribly underpriviliged in that department for a while I went in. The principle was that if you turn around in the dark this will get rid of evil spirits. There was a thin passage that you would go down sidways, Mike and I breathed in so we could fit inside and ventured foward in the dark. After I short time it became a little difficult to move and as with most chinese constructions like this they don't build them high enough for the taller people. So I reached the first corner and walked directly into the wood coming down from the ceiling. I had made it to corner one and had already hurt myself, I must have a lot of evil demons inside. So I walked quickly to get out of there before I broke my leg or something. So far no good luck has occured I will give the taoist gods a few more days to deliver on said good luck.

I was excited about meeting the monks, it was said they were excellent fighters. The monks I saw looked like they were fighting to stay awake. Probably were in their eighties, but I'll bet they could still kick my ass. The younger monks were too busy selling tickets to go up the stairs, rather than showing off their fighting prowess. We wanted to get a photo of the monks, but they wouldn't allow it, so we snuck one when they weren't looking. I mean if people take photos of Michael and I, then we should be able to take pictures of these guys. It was a spectacular view at the top of the mountain, one that no amount of alcohol will ever wash away. At the bottom of the mountain they were selling 'authentic' swords. I don't think the real swords they use would have the word 'stainless' printed on it, but it was a nice sword so I picked one up. Should be fun explaining that one through customs. he he. So went back to Wudang again and that was the end of the travels. I did that there was a city called 'Long Wang' not so far away and hopefull I can travel there sometime in the future.

*END OF HOLIDAY*

I've come to believe recently that travelling is just a bunch of hype. Most things sound spectacular, but when you actually get there you just stand there staring for a few minutes and thats it. It's almost not worth doing. So even though I had a good time, that was mainly due to the company that was with me. I think that most provinces here are very similar, temples, mountains etc... So now that I have been pretty much everywhere in this province it is not neccesary to travel to any other place.

I will be spending the majority of August in Wuhan city, there I will be doing some private teaching. So I will most likely not be on the internet very much this month beginning Tuesday this week. Other news...ummm...well there is a possibility I will not be back in Australia this New Years and that I will come back in February. But, since this is the time you are working or doing uni or whatever I might not come back until the end of June next year, when there is free time for all. But, as I said that is jus a possibility.

Ok, that's all for a while. Hear from you in September.

- ANDY