*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*
With this term I am determined to write more and more until I finally get to the level I feel I ought to be. So I was gladdened last week when a group of teachers informed me that they were planning to do a new play to perform at school.
We discussed possible scenarios and in the end decided that no one was going to understand what we were saying anyway. So we all agreed on a story, a typical ordinary love story. Yet the majority of teachers that wished to perform were female, in fact the only male being me. So the challenge then was to make a love story with seven females and one man. Tough job. So I sat down yesterday in the morning, put on my thinking cap and started bashing some keys.
I was limited to only the genre - (Comedy/Musical) and it should have something to do with love. Well after hours of work I sat back and saw my creation. I had just made my first ever one hour long script. It is also the first of what could be many Andy Scott musicals. It does indeed have many classics from the seventies and eighties and of course that humour you all know and love. Though it would be more of a challenge next time to create some original music.
Anyway, before I get too ahead of myself, here is the basic plotline.
A Lesson On Love by Andy Scott
In a small Chinese town a school is about to become the home for one of the world’s most famous actors. He has planned to teach at the school for one week. This news excites a group of young women teachers who are all fans of the actor. Each of the women teacher have a strong point about their personality that they will use to try and attract his attention and also his heart.
So, it's not too far from the truth...really. If you are interested in reading the finished product then go to the documents section on this site.
http://groups.msn.com/andyvschina/documents.msnw?fc_a=0&fc_p=
It is awaiting you.
Andy Scott
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
AVC: Please Call Me Mr. Helpy J. Helperton.
*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*
The rules of Chinese schools are firm yet simple, students may not partake in romantic relationships with other students. Something which doesn't exactly keep me awake at night. But, when my favourite student comes up to me and says he's seen a girl from school that he really likes and if I could help him, I'm not likely to decline.
The plan was he would tell her that he was going to dinner with me and if she would like to come too and to my delight her answer was 'yes'. The boy asked to her to be outside the major hotel at 7pm on Saturday the 25th.
It was a plan to came to fruition as I and the boy were standing there at 6:59pm outside the front of a hotel. Him looking nervously around constantly thinking she wouldn't come. Then the minute hand had a head on collision with the hour hand and the aftermath was 7:00pm. A girl came walking across the street towards us. I hadn't seen her yet, but I could see why he was attracted to her. I gave him a congratulatory pat on the back. My job was to keep the conversation flowing and when I discovered she couldn't speak any English I wondered what she had been doing in my class for the past year. Yet thoughts like these would prove more useful in speech than mindful thinking. We arrived at the restaurant and their was still a hint of nervousness in the air. Something had to be done. So when we sat down I made sure we received a first course of mainly beer.
As the night went on and several beers later the two began to grow closer and closer until they hardly noticed me anymore. So as they were entranced in their conversation I exited stage left. Or to be more geographically correct I went to the bar. The boss, my close friend, told me he was in the mood for a couple of shots of tequila and he'd already prepared salt and lemon. Who am I to refuse an offer such a gracious offer as this? The boss also introduced me to one of my former students who had jsut turned 14 and wanted to have a chat. Having nothing to do, I accepted. We sat down with her Aunt and Uncle, then had the general foreign teacher/student conversation. She would ask me textbook questions and I countered her with textbook responses. The Uncle also used this opportunity to offload some of his beer into me. It was 10pm at this time and I was surprised to see a very large group of people stroll into the bar.
The boss came up to me and said 'Could you help translate for the two foreigners who just came in?' I was thinking that I misunderstood him because it's very rare that a foreigner would come to this small town. But, just as he had said there were two foreigners standing at the bar with some Chinese furiously trying to translate for them. I walked over and simply said 'Hello, what would you like?' They were taken aback for a moment and told me what their poison was to be. We cnducted small talk and I found that they were two Canadians from a logging company who had come here to look at the quality of the trees. So I followed them back to their table and watched in horror as the beer was brought over. Moments later the table was straining under the weight of the beer. I thought about politely removing myself before the chaos ensued. But, it was too late the bosses of the company having realized that I could speak a bit of Chinese all wanted to have a drink with me. And the Canadians told me tey would appreciate it having only wanted a nightcap.
Out came the half litre cups and in went the beer. One woman in particular was being very harsh, eyeing my cup and when there wasn't a single drop left would rush over to remedy that. Eventually I looked up at her with beer damged eyes and pleaded 'Why...?' The boss especially took a liking to me and I had to concede defeat on behalf of international relations. One of the Canadians was spurring me on saying that when it came to beer drinking a Chinese couldn't beat an Aussie. I concured as I politely went to bathroom to throw up. On my return I slipped to the bar to stay hidden, but they bellowed my name and that same woman came over and grabbed me. I made a struggle but it was of no use, she was stronger than me. By the end of the night, 11:30 to be exact the battle was over, my brain cheered silently and my stomach had passed out. I shook the hands of all my new friends and they retrieved my phone number in case they were ever in the vicinity for round two.
I watched them leave and collapsed on a couch. I cursed myself for being so helpful to everyone tonight and decided that come tomorrow I was going to be a selfish bastard for the day. The lights turned off and I made my lonely walk back home. I made a mental note to reconsider the idea of ever becoming a translator here or I might have to buy my own personal stomach pump.
Andy Scott
The rules of Chinese schools are firm yet simple, students may not partake in romantic relationships with other students. Something which doesn't exactly keep me awake at night. But, when my favourite student comes up to me and says he's seen a girl from school that he really likes and if I could help him, I'm not likely to decline.
The plan was he would tell her that he was going to dinner with me and if she would like to come too and to my delight her answer was 'yes'. The boy asked to her to be outside the major hotel at 7pm on Saturday the 25th.
It was a plan to came to fruition as I and the boy were standing there at 6:59pm outside the front of a hotel. Him looking nervously around constantly thinking she wouldn't come. Then the minute hand had a head on collision with the hour hand and the aftermath was 7:00pm. A girl came walking across the street towards us. I hadn't seen her yet, but I could see why he was attracted to her. I gave him a congratulatory pat on the back. My job was to keep the conversation flowing and when I discovered she couldn't speak any English I wondered what she had been doing in my class for the past year. Yet thoughts like these would prove more useful in speech than mindful thinking. We arrived at the restaurant and their was still a hint of nervousness in the air. Something had to be done. So when we sat down I made sure we received a first course of mainly beer.
As the night went on and several beers later the two began to grow closer and closer until they hardly noticed me anymore. So as they were entranced in their conversation I exited stage left. Or to be more geographically correct I went to the bar. The boss, my close friend, told me he was in the mood for a couple of shots of tequila and he'd already prepared salt and lemon. Who am I to refuse an offer such a gracious offer as this? The boss also introduced me to one of my former students who had jsut turned 14 and wanted to have a chat. Having nothing to do, I accepted. We sat down with her Aunt and Uncle, then had the general foreign teacher/student conversation. She would ask me textbook questions and I countered her with textbook responses. The Uncle also used this opportunity to offload some of his beer into me. It was 10pm at this time and I was surprised to see a very large group of people stroll into the bar.
The boss came up to me and said 'Could you help translate for the two foreigners who just came in?' I was thinking that I misunderstood him because it's very rare that a foreigner would come to this small town. But, just as he had said there were two foreigners standing at the bar with some Chinese furiously trying to translate for them. I walked over and simply said 'Hello, what would you like?' They were taken aback for a moment and told me what their poison was to be. We cnducted small talk and I found that they were two Canadians from a logging company who had come here to look at the quality of the trees. So I followed them back to their table and watched in horror as the beer was brought over. Moments later the table was straining under the weight of the beer. I thought about politely removing myself before the chaos ensued. But, it was too late the bosses of the company having realized that I could speak a bit of Chinese all wanted to have a drink with me. And the Canadians told me tey would appreciate it having only wanted a nightcap.
Out came the half litre cups and in went the beer. One woman in particular was being very harsh, eyeing my cup and when there wasn't a single drop left would rush over to remedy that. Eventually I looked up at her with beer damged eyes and pleaded 'Why...?' The boss especially took a liking to me and I had to concede defeat on behalf of international relations. One of the Canadians was spurring me on saying that when it came to beer drinking a Chinese couldn't beat an Aussie. I concured as I politely went to bathroom to throw up. On my return I slipped to the bar to stay hidden, but they bellowed my name and that same woman came over and grabbed me. I made a struggle but it was of no use, she was stronger than me. By the end of the night, 11:30 to be exact the battle was over, my brain cheered silently and my stomach had passed out. I shook the hands of all my new friends and they retrieved my phone number in case they were ever in the vicinity for round two.
I watched them leave and collapsed on a couch. I cursed myself for being so helpful to everyone tonight and decided that come tomorrow I was going to be a selfish bastard for the day. The lights turned off and I made my lonely walk back home. I made a mental note to reconsider the idea of ever becoming a translator here or I might have to buy my own personal stomach pump.
Andy Scott
Friday, September 16, 2005
AVC: The Article.
*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*
A few months ago I was interviewed for the local newspaper in their weekly edition. It's in the section where you can find out about people who live in the general area. So I got asked the same general questions everyone asks me. ie. Why did you come here? Do you like it here? Are you used to it here? and a bit of personal history to boot.
As a 'joke' I suggested they write that any single ladies in the area who would like to chat with a foreigner can call me on my mobile. So I gave them the number. I received a few calls after the article had been published mostly from people that were too shy to say anything. I did have a nice dinner at the bbqs with a middle aged man and some of his colleagues though.
One afternoon last week I got a phone call from a woman I had never met. Who said quote on quote "Hello, I read your article in the paper a few months ago and saw that you are looking to make a friend. Would you like to have dinner tonight." So of course I jumped at the opportunity and was bragging all afternoon about it.
It came to the evening and I made my way to the restaurant she had suggested. No one greeted me as I came in so I assumed correctly that she was not there yet. I sat down in anticipation of what the nights events might be. Then a woman entered the restaurant she appeared to be in her mid thirties and I didn't pay much attention to her, because the voice on the phone sounded much younger. To my surprise she sat down with me and said 'Hello', my heart sank as she introduced me to her young daughter that had accompanied her. We sat and talked for a while and I feigned interest as well as I could with her trying to practise English with me. She started teaching me all about Chinese culture and customs, I smiled and nodded to the information that I already knew quite well.
Just when it couldn't get any worse a man came in and sat down with us, whom I was subsequentially told was her husband. Inside my head I could hear my brain laughing hysterically at the situation I had not mentally prepared for. All in all it was an extremely dull night, best part being that I got a free dinner out of the deal and a job offer to teach some classes at her office.
After it was all over I ran the evenings events through my head, trying to makesome sense of it. Was it my fault that I had my hopes too high and had created some inane fantasy or was she the one to blame? I mean what kind of person calls a complete stranger and invites them out for dinner with their whole family on the same day? What if I had been a psycho or something?
Anyways, I was told by a friend that I should write about what happened so that later on in my life I can look back and laugh at it. Ha bloody Ha!
Andy Scott
A few months ago I was interviewed for the local newspaper in their weekly edition. It's in the section where you can find out about people who live in the general area. So I got asked the same general questions everyone asks me. ie. Why did you come here? Do you like it here? Are you used to it here? and a bit of personal history to boot.
As a 'joke' I suggested they write that any single ladies in the area who would like to chat with a foreigner can call me on my mobile. So I gave them the number. I received a few calls after the article had been published mostly from people that were too shy to say anything. I did have a nice dinner at the bbqs with a middle aged man and some of his colleagues though.
One afternoon last week I got a phone call from a woman I had never met. Who said quote on quote "Hello, I read your article in the paper a few months ago and saw that you are looking to make a friend. Would you like to have dinner tonight." So of course I jumped at the opportunity and was bragging all afternoon about it.
It came to the evening and I made my way to the restaurant she had suggested. No one greeted me as I came in so I assumed correctly that she was not there yet. I sat down in anticipation of what the nights events might be. Then a woman entered the restaurant she appeared to be in her mid thirties and I didn't pay much attention to her, because the voice on the phone sounded much younger. To my surprise she sat down with me and said 'Hello', my heart sank as she introduced me to her young daughter that had accompanied her. We sat and talked for a while and I feigned interest as well as I could with her trying to practise English with me. She started teaching me all about Chinese culture and customs, I smiled and nodded to the information that I already knew quite well.
Just when it couldn't get any worse a man came in and sat down with us, whom I was subsequentially told was her husband. Inside my head I could hear my brain laughing hysterically at the situation I had not mentally prepared for. All in all it was an extremely dull night, best part being that I got a free dinner out of the deal and a job offer to teach some classes at her office.
After it was all over I ran the evenings events through my head, trying to makesome sense of it. Was it my fault that I had my hopes too high and had created some inane fantasy or was she the one to blame? I mean what kind of person calls a complete stranger and invites them out for dinner with their whole family on the same day? What if I had been a psycho or something?
Anyways, I was told by a friend that I should write about what happened so that later on in my life I can look back and laugh at it. Ha bloody Ha!
Andy Scott
Thursday, September 15, 2005
AVC: The New Term.
*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*
Ok, been back in Guanghua for a few weeks now and have stepped into the second week of the term. The majority of the past few weeks have been to help our new teacher get accustomed to the life in China. The first few weeks are the deciding ones, that determines if a person is going to enjoy themselves or not in another culture and our new teacher has been doing very well.
Speaking of school itself I was pleased to find that I would have a few less classes this term. I'm down to 17 a week, although I am now teaching at four schools. So there is a bit more travel time.
I have changed by teaching plans extensively compared to the last year and a half. Teachers apparently wanted me to speak more and I thought that I was doing enough. So after a bit of discussion I agreed to do it. It doesn't exactly give the students much time to practice their speaking, but it does mean I get to do a lot more research on topics and that has been really interesting so far, with talking about Architecture last week and the Media this week. My speech on propaganda was especially fun to do.
I've given myself a good kick in the arse to get myself doing more things this semester. Especially with my Chinese lessons, as of now I am going to start learning how to read and write in Chinese, which will be both challenging and useful. As China has many different dialects, but only the one language for writing. Sarika and I have also just started to learn the Er Hu. A Chinese musical instrument that has a similar sound to a violin and is amost played the same way.
Well, that's what it looks like. We've been playing with two busted down ones at the moment. Mine actually has no strings on it. If we enjoy learning it we will buy a brand spanking new one. And it is fun so far.
That is all that is happening right now. On the 18th this month it wil be the Mid-Autumn festival where we don't do much except eat moon cakes and then watch the full moon on that night. Then on the 1st of October it is National day so we will have the week off. We might do some travelling in that time. Sarika and the new teacher are interested in going to Xiangfan, which is the city I visited last year in the Summer holidays. It was a lot of fun and maybe I can discover some new places in that area that I didn't see last time.
Ok then, I'll get back here as soon as anything happens.
Andy Scott
Ok, been back in Guanghua for a few weeks now and have stepped into the second week of the term. The majority of the past few weeks have been to help our new teacher get accustomed to the life in China. The first few weeks are the deciding ones, that determines if a person is going to enjoy themselves or not in another culture and our new teacher has been doing very well.
Speaking of school itself I was pleased to find that I would have a few less classes this term. I'm down to 17 a week, although I am now teaching at four schools. So there is a bit more travel time.
I have changed by teaching plans extensively compared to the last year and a half. Teachers apparently wanted me to speak more and I thought that I was doing enough. So after a bit of discussion I agreed to do it. It doesn't exactly give the students much time to practice their speaking, but it does mean I get to do a lot more research on topics and that has been really interesting so far, with talking about Architecture last week and the Media this week. My speech on propaganda was especially fun to do.
I've given myself a good kick in the arse to get myself doing more things this semester. Especially with my Chinese lessons, as of now I am going to start learning how to read and write in Chinese, which will be both challenging and useful. As China has many different dialects, but only the one language for writing. Sarika and I have also just started to learn the Er Hu. A Chinese musical instrument that has a similar sound to a violin and is amost played the same way.
Well, that's what it looks like. We've been playing with two busted down ones at the moment. Mine actually has no strings on it. If we enjoy learning it we will buy a brand spanking new one. And it is fun so far.
That is all that is happening right now. On the 18th this month it wil be the Mid-Autumn festival where we don't do much except eat moon cakes and then watch the full moon on that night. Then on the 1st of October it is National day so we will have the week off. We might do some travelling in that time. Sarika and the new teacher are interested in going to Xiangfan, which is the city I visited last year in the Summer holidays. It was a lot of fun and maybe I can discover some new places in that area that I didn't see last time.
Ok then, I'll get back here as soon as anything happens.
Andy Scott
Saturday, September 03, 2005
AVC: The Little Holiday That Could.
*MIGRATED FROM ANDY VS CHINA ARCHIVES*
With the coming of today the sun rose in the eastwards direction, as it does. The sunshine broke through the smog proving that even asthma inducing “air”, loosely speaking, can become a vision. The day also marks the end of my summer holiday, meaning that I may actually be able to finally get some rest.
When I last left you I announced that I would soon be departing on a completely unplanned holiday. In essence it felt a lot like running away from home, a good idea initially, but the future forever remains uncertain. It began innocently enough with an every day phone call. Who was on the other end of that marvel of modern communicative technology? I never found out, because I was out at the time. Later I received an email telling me that I should drop everything and go travelling. At the time I had just begun my holidays and was lucky enough to have nothing to drop. Fortuitous events indeed!
But, as with all unplanned holidays I had a lot to do to get ready. That mainly involved finding money. I didn’t even have enough money to get up there, which as you could imagine hindered my plans just a tad. Unfortunately I’m usually quite half arsed when it comes to planning, which I like to call spontaneity and I’ve heard that can be an attractive aspect in a man. I hastily took out a loan and booked myself on the next plane out of here. This was by the way a one-way ticket with no money left over to buy a return ticket. My philosophy for years now has been that any problems that happen in the future is not my problem, but “Andy of the Future’s” problem and I’m happy to let him deal with it.
My destination was Harbin, capital of Heilongjiang province in the northeast of China. It lies on the border of Mongolia and Russia. Korea was there to join the party too. Harbin is famous for its ice. During winter it can reach the unimagined low of –30 degrees. Needless to say it’s cold enough to wear at least two coats. Being summer there was no ice to mention. Though Harbin is no one trick town, you can still go there in the summer and enjoy yourself.
But before I could partake in any of the aforementioned fun I had to figure out a way to get some money together. That’s when I remembered “Hey! I’m a teacher, maybe I could use that to my advantage.” Sure enough after I visited a few schools I was offered a contract for one month that would allow me to get back home, with a little cash on the side. Being unplanned my holiday was allowed some flexibility. For example a two-week holiday can easily be transformed into a five-week holiday. It was a few days later when I realised that if I stayed home I wouldn’t actually have to do any work. But that bridge was burnt now and I had to stick to my guns. A few metaphors later I knew I had made the right choice.
The school I signed with is a world-renowned private English school known as English First or EF to those of us who are hip. It was a chance for me to work with a large number of foreign teachers which up till then I wasn’t accustomed to. Summer and winter holidays are the peak season for EF so I ended up getting twice as many classes than I would normally receive back here in Guang Hua. It may not sound like much of holiday to be working six days a week up to 12 hours each day in the office, but it was the best fun I’ve had in a long time. Others may think that I must normally spend all day in a dungeon being tortured for that to be more fun. Well let me illuminate the experience for you.
Here in Guang Hua I teach about nineteen classes a week. I only get to see one group of students once during the week. That means that I basically teach the same lesson plan all week and by Friday that can get a bit repetitive. At EF I was able to teach the same group for two hours, three times a week. Also each group is at a different level. All in all I never teach the same thing twice. You can see the improvement in the students quickly and that can make you feel warm inside. To top the deal I got to learn a whole lot about English grammar. Now that may be a stupid thing for an English teacher to say. But think about it. We all learnt English as a first language so all the grammar just comes naturally. Now try and explain exactly why we use that grammar the way we do and see how easy that is. I’d be teaching from the book and at the same time I’d say, “Oh, fancy that. Never knew that before.” Which obviously fills the students with confidence.
Anyway I think that’s a bit too much about working when I’m supposed to be talking about a holiday. Every Monday I had a free day, so that is when I would plan to do something non-teaching related. So anyone looking to hear stories of teaching you are about to be thoroughly disappointed, as for the rest of you, you can be disappointed too so you don’t feel left out.
Monday trip #1:
TIGER PARK!!! I think it speaks for itself, it was a park…wait for it…that was full of tigers. For years the Chinese have hunted these proud beasts for medicinal purposes, also the fur is quite sexy. To battle there is an area near Harbin that breed tigers to get the population up again and to study further medicinal properties of a fully-grown tiger. Well not that last part. To fund the project they allow tourists to come into the park and give them an opportunity to drive around in a caged bus to see the tigers up close.
We drove through the main gate into the enclosure, which seemed quite similar to Jurassic Park. Though there wasn’t as much devouring, but there was a little. You see simply driving in and seeing the tigers jumping up onto the bus bearing a mouth that just screams ‘Hop in!’ Those with the power also provide a little extra entertainment if you spare the money. If you’ve ever wanted to see a tiger on the prowl for food then it is certainly the right place. For a fee you can buy certain animals that are tossed out completely unprepared for what is in store for it. For those who are stingy you can purchase a chicken for 30 Yuan and for the decadent you can purchase small livestock such as goats, sheep and maybe even small cows. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see any of those and as we soon found out chickens don’t stand much of a chance when coming face to face a group of peckish tigers.
At one point one tiger got smart and jumped up to the side of bus as the food hole opened and shoved its mighty paw inside the bus. The person who was feeding it at the time looked like she was suddenly a few kilos lighter, if you catch my drift. Soon after we had finished driving around the park. We had seen tigers, a couple of unexpected lions and an animal that was supposedly a mixed breed of both called a Liger. Though in all truth it could have been a spelling mistake.
As if that all wasn’t enough to satisfy the bloodlust in us all, we got to finish the trip by getting our picture taken holding a tiger cub. The cub was surprisingly fiercer than the adults, it just wasn’t big enough to do anything about it. It did mange to get few scratches in as it struggled relentlessly whenever someone would take hold of it. In the photos it may look like it is smiling, but upon closer inspection I can assure you that it is definitely an aggravated snarl of primal proportions.
After we visited the park we began hearing about some incidents that had only happened recently. One of them involved a bus driver who had been going through when there was suddenly a problem with the bus. Against all known logic he stepped outside to check the problem, a few moments later that problem became someone else’s as he was mercilessly devoured. Apparently he thought that because he drove through there so often the tigers would know him well and would leave him alone. The mystery being how did people know that’s what he thought.
The other incident involved a group of drunken foreigners. One of who was apparently feeling invincible as he made a mad dash through one of the pits. Supposedly the tigers worked so fast he didn’t even get a chance to look surprised about it. The moral of these two stories is: No matter what the reason is, don’t be an idiot.
Monday Trip #2:
As if by chance, I knew that upon Monday’s Eve (also known as Sunday) that with the coming of the next day I would once again be embarking upon another journey. For this one I would need a lot of energy and emergency smokes. I like to think that I have a healthy relationship with nature, I do my thing and it does its. But during this holiday I felt a sudden urge to roam through the hills, dive into flowing streams of clear blue and dare I say, hug a tree. White water rafting was the attraction, giving urban wretches such as myself a reason to actually tread on ground that hasn’t been reinforced by concrete as of yet. Also it was about time I started paying respect to my pagan heritage and to hold a one minute silence for those poor bastards born in a time when there was no electricity.
Mao Er Shan. Translated it means Hat Mountain, because if you don a special pair of glasses and perform a handstand, the peak of the mountain almost looks like a hat. Two to a boat we launched ourselves into nature’s icy cold grip. For those who have never been white water rafting before it involves a lot of bailing water from consistently sinking boats and a fair amount of time stuck on top of stubborn rocks. I suppose had we been steering the right way from the beginning we could have avoided many of those stony obstacles, but we were too busy filling our water guns and firing at other boats. Shows you can take a sophisticated extreme sport and add some innocent aquatic warfare too.
Right at the end of the river there is a large group of Chinese spectators whose only job as I could see was to laugh hysterically as you try disembarking your boat as it if it were a giant beanbag. Dignity was firmly intact as we left for part two of our pilgrimage back to nature. It was time to climb the Hat. When it comes to activities of the horizontal type I fare as well as the next unhealthy guy, meaning I can manage it with only a minimal amount of sweat and panting. As soon as it starts veering vertical you may as well label me an invalid and be off with you. So with nothing to prove we began our ascension towards certain lack of breath.
Having a great sense of humour the mountain laid our path with a thick cake of slippery mud making the climb just that bit more fun/impossible. It was the kind of scene where you have comedic music played in the background as people came close to losing their holding or in some cases falling firmly on their arse. Around two hundred metres later I began seeing colours and we were still barely breaking a 45-degree angle. The others were soon dots in the distance and I was ready to stop. Then I remembered something from the Bible, “And on the eighth day God said ‘Let there be benches!’ and benches became plentiful.” Sure enough to mark the half waypoint up the mountain some crudely made benches laid the track. There was only myself and another person who enthusiastically put the bot on the spot. Having asthma she had a legitimate reason for stopping.
Though I didn’t reach the top of the mountain I realised that I didn’t have to. It doesn’t matter at what point you stand in nature every area is visually pleasing. It’s not as if the best nature is at the top. Besides I have yet to confirm this, but it may be highest anyone in my family has ever climbed. I often wonder if the Scott family crest is emblazoned with the image of a couch, a television and a pizza. It proves that man was not meant to fly and that I was not meant to climb. It would seem though that it had a more intense affect on me than I thought, as for the next few weeks I would be sans three senses.
It was probably coincidence, but the next day I developed a strong virus that left me without my sense of smell, taste and almost all of my hearing. Now some would argue that in China that is probably a fortuitous thing to happen to you. But without those senses life rapidly became a lot less enjoyable. One of the main joys of life is the food and drink we consume, if you lose that suddenly life lacks meaning. The worst part being that you suddenly realise that if food is most important thing you have then your life really didn’t have that much meaning before. And it’s a continual downward cycle from there, until you come to the realisation that you can drink as much alcohol as you want and not taste a thing. Optimism: “Putting a good spin on problems since the dawn of time.”
By this time I was approaching the end of my contract and therefore the end of the trip. The trip would not be complete until I visited one of Harbin’s main tourist attractions, the Dragon Tower. Home to the radio and television signals transmitted across Harbin, it also housed a revolving restaurant that let you look over the whole city. Dragon Tower is the tallest steel tower in the Eastern hemisphere built a whole metre taller than the previous tallest tower in Japan. A fact that they constantly reminded you of in many different ways. When you are sitting in the restaurant as you face either North, South, East or West they tell you that in that direction there is a shorter and obviously less impressive tower there. They have a gallery of towers around the world all notably shorter in stature.
After our lunch we went a little higher where you can stand on the edge of the tower and look around. To make the visit more memorable you can hire a beautiful white dove that you can release into the air in a message of human accomplishment. As we stood in line everyone was handed their doves and were sub sequentially launched into the air. I was thoroughly overjoyed when it was my turn only to be let down as they handed me a grey speckled pigeon. I raised my flying rodent high in the air ready to lay pestilence upon the unsuspecting citizens below. Whether I got my wish or not I’ll never know as the wind pressure may have been too strong when the bird went straight down out of sight. That brought a smile to my face.
Back at school exams had been given, marked and certificates handed out meaning the end of the summer course. The school finished everything with a day in one of the local parks. The plan was to invite as many students as possible and get them outside to play some games. Each teacher was responsible for one game and the students would rotate in groups. My games were the ever-popular obstacle course and a few rounds of tug of war. Given the activities I thought it appropriate to take on the persona of an army official bellowing commands to the fresh recruits. There’s nothing like telling a group of seven year olds to put their backs into it. We finished the day with some teacher events between the two branches of EF in Harbin.
I was very fortunate to be able to get that position in the school for the month. It was the best time that I had spent in many years. Everyone there I consider a great friend and I will stay true to my promise of getting back up there to them soon. Anyone planning on teaching abroad should definitely consider English First as their first stop. So thank you everyone at the school for making me feel welcome and for giving me many memories too.
So now that school was over and I got my wage I booked a flight back to Wuhan. I gave myself a few days just to rest and relax because I was sure the second I got back here they would ask me to teach straight away. During those few days I got to attend a wedding of an Australian teacher and his Chinese bride. He invited a few of his mates to fly over to also attend so I was glad to be able to pad out the Australian side of the proceeding a little. Later on as the beer was flowing and the Australian music was blaring out of the speakers it was hard not to be patriotic. Everything was going well and we’re sitting down having fun, the teachers from EF arrived later on as well. Next thing I know I wake up on my friends couch with absolutely no recollection of the night before and with absolutely no clothes either. Naturally being a bit confused I soon got to the bottom of what had happened and if you find stories of throwing up in taxis amusing then I’ll tell you about it sometime. From what I hear many of the others had similar nights too. What a wedding!
I had a sense of satisfaction as I made my way to the airport. In one month I had done a lot of good work, had many fantastic experiences and made many friends that I’ll never forget. But, I couldn’t put off the inevitable anymore and Guang Hua beckoned me. I think this is the way I’m going to conduct my trips from now on with nothing but a ticket go somewhere and discover the place for myself. Anyway I’m back home now and I was welcomed by an apartment that had no electricity or working phone line. But now I know that once my contract here runs out I’m going to be faced with many options that I probably wouldn’t have considered before. That is greatness of life, no matter whether you believe in fate or free choice whatever happens is still a surprise. Now I have to get ready for another semester here and to enjoy life as much as is physically possible. That is the end of this particular story and it’s good to know it won’t be the last.
Andy Scott
With the coming of today the sun rose in the eastwards direction, as it does. The sunshine broke through the smog proving that even asthma inducing “air”, loosely speaking, can become a vision. The day also marks the end of my summer holiday, meaning that I may actually be able to finally get some rest.
When I last left you I announced that I would soon be departing on a completely unplanned holiday. In essence it felt a lot like running away from home, a good idea initially, but the future forever remains uncertain. It began innocently enough with an every day phone call. Who was on the other end of that marvel of modern communicative technology? I never found out, because I was out at the time. Later I received an email telling me that I should drop everything and go travelling. At the time I had just begun my holidays and was lucky enough to have nothing to drop. Fortuitous events indeed!
But, as with all unplanned holidays I had a lot to do to get ready. That mainly involved finding money. I didn’t even have enough money to get up there, which as you could imagine hindered my plans just a tad. Unfortunately I’m usually quite half arsed when it comes to planning, which I like to call spontaneity and I’ve heard that can be an attractive aspect in a man. I hastily took out a loan and booked myself on the next plane out of here. This was by the way a one-way ticket with no money left over to buy a return ticket. My philosophy for years now has been that any problems that happen in the future is not my problem, but “Andy of the Future’s” problem and I’m happy to let him deal with it.
My destination was Harbin, capital of Heilongjiang province in the northeast of China. It lies on the border of Mongolia and Russia. Korea was there to join the party too. Harbin is famous for its ice. During winter it can reach the unimagined low of –30 degrees. Needless to say it’s cold enough to wear at least two coats. Being summer there was no ice to mention. Though Harbin is no one trick town, you can still go there in the summer and enjoy yourself.
But before I could partake in any of the aforementioned fun I had to figure out a way to get some money together. That’s when I remembered “Hey! I’m a teacher, maybe I could use that to my advantage.” Sure enough after I visited a few schools I was offered a contract for one month that would allow me to get back home, with a little cash on the side. Being unplanned my holiday was allowed some flexibility. For example a two-week holiday can easily be transformed into a five-week holiday. It was a few days later when I realised that if I stayed home I wouldn’t actually have to do any work. But that bridge was burnt now and I had to stick to my guns. A few metaphors later I knew I had made the right choice.
The school I signed with is a world-renowned private English school known as English First or EF to those of us who are hip. It was a chance for me to work with a large number of foreign teachers which up till then I wasn’t accustomed to. Summer and winter holidays are the peak season for EF so I ended up getting twice as many classes than I would normally receive back here in Guang Hua. It may not sound like much of holiday to be working six days a week up to 12 hours each day in the office, but it was the best fun I’ve had in a long time. Others may think that I must normally spend all day in a dungeon being tortured for that to be more fun. Well let me illuminate the experience for you.
Here in Guang Hua I teach about nineteen classes a week. I only get to see one group of students once during the week. That means that I basically teach the same lesson plan all week and by Friday that can get a bit repetitive. At EF I was able to teach the same group for two hours, three times a week. Also each group is at a different level. All in all I never teach the same thing twice. You can see the improvement in the students quickly and that can make you feel warm inside. To top the deal I got to learn a whole lot about English grammar. Now that may be a stupid thing for an English teacher to say. But think about it. We all learnt English as a first language so all the grammar just comes naturally. Now try and explain exactly why we use that grammar the way we do and see how easy that is. I’d be teaching from the book and at the same time I’d say, “Oh, fancy that. Never knew that before.” Which obviously fills the students with confidence.
Anyway I think that’s a bit too much about working when I’m supposed to be talking about a holiday. Every Monday I had a free day, so that is when I would plan to do something non-teaching related. So anyone looking to hear stories of teaching you are about to be thoroughly disappointed, as for the rest of you, you can be disappointed too so you don’t feel left out.
Monday trip #1:
TIGER PARK!!! I think it speaks for itself, it was a park…wait for it…that was full of tigers. For years the Chinese have hunted these proud beasts for medicinal purposes, also the fur is quite sexy. To battle there is an area near Harbin that breed tigers to get the population up again and to study further medicinal properties of a fully-grown tiger. Well not that last part. To fund the project they allow tourists to come into the park and give them an opportunity to drive around in a caged bus to see the tigers up close.
We drove through the main gate into the enclosure, which seemed quite similar to Jurassic Park. Though there wasn’t as much devouring, but there was a little. You see simply driving in and seeing the tigers jumping up onto the bus bearing a mouth that just screams ‘Hop in!’ Those with the power also provide a little extra entertainment if you spare the money. If you’ve ever wanted to see a tiger on the prowl for food then it is certainly the right place. For a fee you can buy certain animals that are tossed out completely unprepared for what is in store for it. For those who are stingy you can purchase a chicken for 30 Yuan and for the decadent you can purchase small livestock such as goats, sheep and maybe even small cows. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see any of those and as we soon found out chickens don’t stand much of a chance when coming face to face a group of peckish tigers.
At one point one tiger got smart and jumped up to the side of bus as the food hole opened and shoved its mighty paw inside the bus. The person who was feeding it at the time looked like she was suddenly a few kilos lighter, if you catch my drift. Soon after we had finished driving around the park. We had seen tigers, a couple of unexpected lions and an animal that was supposedly a mixed breed of both called a Liger. Though in all truth it could have been a spelling mistake.
As if that all wasn’t enough to satisfy the bloodlust in us all, we got to finish the trip by getting our picture taken holding a tiger cub. The cub was surprisingly fiercer than the adults, it just wasn’t big enough to do anything about it. It did mange to get few scratches in as it struggled relentlessly whenever someone would take hold of it. In the photos it may look like it is smiling, but upon closer inspection I can assure you that it is definitely an aggravated snarl of primal proportions.
After we visited the park we began hearing about some incidents that had only happened recently. One of them involved a bus driver who had been going through when there was suddenly a problem with the bus. Against all known logic he stepped outside to check the problem, a few moments later that problem became someone else’s as he was mercilessly devoured. Apparently he thought that because he drove through there so often the tigers would know him well and would leave him alone. The mystery being how did people know that’s what he thought.
The other incident involved a group of drunken foreigners. One of who was apparently feeling invincible as he made a mad dash through one of the pits. Supposedly the tigers worked so fast he didn’t even get a chance to look surprised about it. The moral of these two stories is: No matter what the reason is, don’t be an idiot.
Monday Trip #2:
As if by chance, I knew that upon Monday’s Eve (also known as Sunday) that with the coming of the next day I would once again be embarking upon another journey. For this one I would need a lot of energy and emergency smokes. I like to think that I have a healthy relationship with nature, I do my thing and it does its. But during this holiday I felt a sudden urge to roam through the hills, dive into flowing streams of clear blue and dare I say, hug a tree. White water rafting was the attraction, giving urban wretches such as myself a reason to actually tread on ground that hasn’t been reinforced by concrete as of yet. Also it was about time I started paying respect to my pagan heritage and to hold a one minute silence for those poor bastards born in a time when there was no electricity.
Mao Er Shan. Translated it means Hat Mountain, because if you don a special pair of glasses and perform a handstand, the peak of the mountain almost looks like a hat. Two to a boat we launched ourselves into nature’s icy cold grip. For those who have never been white water rafting before it involves a lot of bailing water from consistently sinking boats and a fair amount of time stuck on top of stubborn rocks. I suppose had we been steering the right way from the beginning we could have avoided many of those stony obstacles, but we were too busy filling our water guns and firing at other boats. Shows you can take a sophisticated extreme sport and add some innocent aquatic warfare too.
Right at the end of the river there is a large group of Chinese spectators whose only job as I could see was to laugh hysterically as you try disembarking your boat as it if it were a giant beanbag. Dignity was firmly intact as we left for part two of our pilgrimage back to nature. It was time to climb the Hat. When it comes to activities of the horizontal type I fare as well as the next unhealthy guy, meaning I can manage it with only a minimal amount of sweat and panting. As soon as it starts veering vertical you may as well label me an invalid and be off with you. So with nothing to prove we began our ascension towards certain lack of breath.
Having a great sense of humour the mountain laid our path with a thick cake of slippery mud making the climb just that bit more fun/impossible. It was the kind of scene where you have comedic music played in the background as people came close to losing their holding or in some cases falling firmly on their arse. Around two hundred metres later I began seeing colours and we were still barely breaking a 45-degree angle. The others were soon dots in the distance and I was ready to stop. Then I remembered something from the Bible, “And on the eighth day God said ‘Let there be benches!’ and benches became plentiful.” Sure enough to mark the half waypoint up the mountain some crudely made benches laid the track. There was only myself and another person who enthusiastically put the bot on the spot. Having asthma she had a legitimate reason for stopping.
Though I didn’t reach the top of the mountain I realised that I didn’t have to. It doesn’t matter at what point you stand in nature every area is visually pleasing. It’s not as if the best nature is at the top. Besides I have yet to confirm this, but it may be highest anyone in my family has ever climbed. I often wonder if the Scott family crest is emblazoned with the image of a couch, a television and a pizza. It proves that man was not meant to fly and that I was not meant to climb. It would seem though that it had a more intense affect on me than I thought, as for the next few weeks I would be sans three senses.
It was probably coincidence, but the next day I developed a strong virus that left me without my sense of smell, taste and almost all of my hearing. Now some would argue that in China that is probably a fortuitous thing to happen to you. But without those senses life rapidly became a lot less enjoyable. One of the main joys of life is the food and drink we consume, if you lose that suddenly life lacks meaning. The worst part being that you suddenly realise that if food is most important thing you have then your life really didn’t have that much meaning before. And it’s a continual downward cycle from there, until you come to the realisation that you can drink as much alcohol as you want and not taste a thing. Optimism: “Putting a good spin on problems since the dawn of time.”
By this time I was approaching the end of my contract and therefore the end of the trip. The trip would not be complete until I visited one of Harbin’s main tourist attractions, the Dragon Tower. Home to the radio and television signals transmitted across Harbin, it also housed a revolving restaurant that let you look over the whole city. Dragon Tower is the tallest steel tower in the Eastern hemisphere built a whole metre taller than the previous tallest tower in Japan. A fact that they constantly reminded you of in many different ways. When you are sitting in the restaurant as you face either North, South, East or West they tell you that in that direction there is a shorter and obviously less impressive tower there. They have a gallery of towers around the world all notably shorter in stature.
After our lunch we went a little higher where you can stand on the edge of the tower and look around. To make the visit more memorable you can hire a beautiful white dove that you can release into the air in a message of human accomplishment. As we stood in line everyone was handed their doves and were sub sequentially launched into the air. I was thoroughly overjoyed when it was my turn only to be let down as they handed me a grey speckled pigeon. I raised my flying rodent high in the air ready to lay pestilence upon the unsuspecting citizens below. Whether I got my wish or not I’ll never know as the wind pressure may have been too strong when the bird went straight down out of sight. That brought a smile to my face.
Back at school exams had been given, marked and certificates handed out meaning the end of the summer course. The school finished everything with a day in one of the local parks. The plan was to invite as many students as possible and get them outside to play some games. Each teacher was responsible for one game and the students would rotate in groups. My games were the ever-popular obstacle course and a few rounds of tug of war. Given the activities I thought it appropriate to take on the persona of an army official bellowing commands to the fresh recruits. There’s nothing like telling a group of seven year olds to put their backs into it. We finished the day with some teacher events between the two branches of EF in Harbin.
I was very fortunate to be able to get that position in the school for the month. It was the best time that I had spent in many years. Everyone there I consider a great friend and I will stay true to my promise of getting back up there to them soon. Anyone planning on teaching abroad should definitely consider English First as their first stop. So thank you everyone at the school for making me feel welcome and for giving me many memories too.
So now that school was over and I got my wage I booked a flight back to Wuhan. I gave myself a few days just to rest and relax because I was sure the second I got back here they would ask me to teach straight away. During those few days I got to attend a wedding of an Australian teacher and his Chinese bride. He invited a few of his mates to fly over to also attend so I was glad to be able to pad out the Australian side of the proceeding a little. Later on as the beer was flowing and the Australian music was blaring out of the speakers it was hard not to be patriotic. Everything was going well and we’re sitting down having fun, the teachers from EF arrived later on as well. Next thing I know I wake up on my friends couch with absolutely no recollection of the night before and with absolutely no clothes either. Naturally being a bit confused I soon got to the bottom of what had happened and if you find stories of throwing up in taxis amusing then I’ll tell you about it sometime. From what I hear many of the others had similar nights too. What a wedding!
I had a sense of satisfaction as I made my way to the airport. In one month I had done a lot of good work, had many fantastic experiences and made many friends that I’ll never forget. But, I couldn’t put off the inevitable anymore and Guang Hua beckoned me. I think this is the way I’m going to conduct my trips from now on with nothing but a ticket go somewhere and discover the place for myself. Anyway I’m back home now and I was welcomed by an apartment that had no electricity or working phone line. But now I know that once my contract here runs out I’m going to be faced with many options that I probably wouldn’t have considered before. That is greatness of life, no matter whether you believe in fate or free choice whatever happens is still a surprise. Now I have to get ready for another semester here and to enjoy life as much as is physically possible. That is the end of this particular story and it’s good to know it won’t be the last.
Andy Scott
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